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What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking.
Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking. The upside is also that this aids the adjustment process with the new partner and family, a stand-in for what is seen as the variable element of love. When it comes to daughters, the disciplining fetters become even tighter, since a tarnished reputation would scupper her chances in the marriage market.
With whom? But in India it continues well into adulthood. It translates into interference in career decisions, choice of friends, dietary preferences, etc. Despite this over-involvement, the so-called transgressions like drinking, smoking and premarital sex must be surgically hidden from their view. Despite the changes happening in urban centres, large parts of India still have families that view even harmless interaction with the opposite sex with suspicion and deep unease.